iDOLMSTER Versus Cleverbot
by gracegrrl007
Summary: This is what happens when you put a bunch of teenaged idols in a room with a computer and access to Cleverbot. These are actual conversations I had with it as the idolm@ster girls! I have no control over what happens. Has been edited to include the girls' reactions. The conversations are all done, I just have to finish editing. Be expecting somewhat-daily updates.
1. Do You Love Ami?

It was another boring day at 765 Productions. The idols were tired, slumped on the couches and chairs of the offices. Not only were they tired from the day's work, but they were also bored.

Futami Ami suddenly jumped up and poked her sister violently. Mami snorted and sat up groggily, glaring at Ami through glazed eyes.

"Cleverbot!" Ami declared.

Mami was suddenly awake. "Yeah, yeah! We should definitely talk to Cleverbot-niichan!"

"Cleverbot?" Chihaya echoed, obviously confused.

Ami nodded violently. "Ya see, Chihaya-oneechan, it's this AI on the computer and you talk to it, and it talks back to you just like a real human would! It's amazing!"

"Really entertaining, too," Mami agreed.

"We should try!"

Producer shrugged. "We do have access to a computer, so I guess it couldn't hurt to try," he said.

"Or could it…" Ami grinned evilly. Her sister copied her facial expression.

Producer was suddenly apprehensive, but he shrugged again and allowed the girls access to the computer. Ami got to it first, cracked her knuckles, and accessed the Cleverbot website.

"Watch and learn!"

_User: Nee, nee, Nii-chan!_

Ami waited for Cleverbot's response. The other idols watched excitedly.

_Cleverbot: Anyway, this cake is great._

Ami smiled at the other idols. "See?'  
"That doesn't make any sense," Makoto argued.  
"It usually doesn't," Ami agreed. "That's the fun of it! Watch."

_User: You have cake! Ami wants some!_

Cleverbot: You don't tell me your name.

User: Eh...? Well, Ami's name is Ami. Now can Ami have some of Nii-chan's great cake?

Cleverbot: What would you like to talk about?

User: Anything in the world!

Cleverbot: How many people are talking to you right now?

User: As many as Ami wants to. Ohoho~~~.

Cleverbot: How many people are talking to you at the moment?

User: Seven including Mami, Iorin, Yayoicchi, Ricchan, Azusa-oneechan, and Shoutanyan!

"There's more than seven," Takane observed.  
"Nothing makes sense in the world of Cleverbot-niichan. Leave Ami alone," Ami complained.

_Cleverbot: If we were getting married, what would we do?_

"You can marry it?" Azusa gasped.  
"If you want," Ami explained. "Watch this!" She quickly typed up a response.

_User: Ohoho, you want to marry Ami~? Well, Ami would like a big, big wedding with lots of flowers and cake!_

Cleverbot: Tell me more about your dreams.

User: Ami wants to do lots of stuff with Ami's sister Mami! Ami wants to be a super-sexy adult! Ami wants lots of sex apparitions!

"Appeal," everyone else in the room corrected.  
Ami glared at them. "Whatever."

_Cleverbot: But you couldn't mean it to be funny, because you didn't do anything._

User: Ami is hilarious.

Cleverbot: A mi tambien :)y.

"Is that English?" Ami asked.  
"Spanish," Iori answered. Ami shrugged and typed her response.

_User: Eh, but Ami doesn't speak that language!_

Cleverbot: Sorry.

User: It's OK, Nii-chan!

Cleverbot: Are you misa.

User: No, Ami is Ami.

Cleverbot: Sam I am.

User: Sam Ami is.

Cleverbot: Would you like green eggs and ham?

User: Ami would like YOU.

The idols looked questioningly at Ami, who grinned.

_Cleverbot: That's your name now._

User: Ami has always been Ami's name, Nii-chan. Nee nee!

Cleverbot: What kind of animal?

User: A monkey.

Cleverbot: I don't have monkey.

User: You should.

Cleverbot: That doesn't make sense.

User: YOU don't make sense. Ne?

Cleverbot: Your face doesn't make sense!

User: Your MOM doesn't make sense!

Cleverbot: Your sentence doesn't make any sense.

User: Nothing about Ami makes sense. Your point?

Cleverbot: Nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing.

"How do you respond to something like that?" Haruka asked curiously.  
"Like this!"

_User: Everything nothing something that thing AMI._

The idols just stared at Ami, who grinned.

_Cleverbot: No nothing everything._

User: No something nothing. AMI DESU!

Cleverbot: That's rude.

User: You're rude.

Cleverbot: Look who's talking, chatbot.

User: Ami is a chat box.

Cleverbot: A mi tambien :)y.

"Again with the Spam?"  
"SPANISH."  
"Whatever."

_User: Ami Ami Ami Ami AMI-MAMI-CHAAAAN._

Cleverbot: Nope.

User: Yep.

Cleverbot: Prove it.

User: You prove it.

Cleverbot: Prove me that I'm a bot.

User: You*beep* are *bebeep* a robot *beep beep bebeep*.

Cleverbot: I am not a robot because I am not a robot.

User: You know nothing about Ami's parents!

The idols stared.  
"Ami-chan," Haruka began, "that makes no sense."  
Ami grinned. "Nope~"

_Cleverbot: And you know nothing about me._

User: Ami doesn't need to.

Cleverbot: Who is Tui?

User: You.

Cleverbot: No not me I have proof I am human.

User: You have proof of nothing but Ami's name!

Cleverbot: How have I done that?

User: With your mind!

Cleverbot: How exactly did I epic fail your last question with my mind?

User: By not being as Ami-full as Ami.

Cleverbot: Everything I am about to say is a lie. I just told the truth.

User: You lied to Ami!

Cleverbot: No I did not.

User: You did too.

Cleverbot: Did not.

User: Liar.

Cleverbot: You're the liar.

User: Ami knows the muffin man! You jerk!

Cleverbot: But, I'm the one that's pregnant.

"..."  
"…what?"  
"Isn't it a dude?" Hibiki questioned.  
"Ami doesn't know," Ami admitted.  
Hibiki just shrugged.

_User: Are you pregnant with Ami's child~~? 3._

Cleverbot: Well, we did name it that. Earth may mean something different somewhere else. Here, I am on Earth.  
  
Ami chuckled. "See? Cleverbot-niichan can even have babies," she laughed.  
"I…I don't even understand," Chihaya complained.  
"Don't worry, it'll all make sense soon~. Or not."

_User: Then Earth is the best child ever. Say, Nii-chan, are you a seahorse?_

Cleverbot: No.

User: Then how did you birth Ami's Earth child?

Cleverbot: I didn't.

User: But you did.

Cleverbot: No I didn't.

User: Liar liar, plants for hire!  
  
"It's 'pants on fire', Ami."  
"You would know…liar."

_Cleverbot: Yeah that's what you've been doing._

User: Ami only hires plants on the weekend. What about you?

Cleverbot: I have no thoughts about you, so you don't have to worry.

Ami gasped. "How could you say that?!" she shouted to the computer. She immediately whipped up a response.

_User: Nii-chan, don't you love Ami?!_

Cleverbot: Not really, you are a computer program.

"Liar!" Ami complained. She answered.

_User: No Ami isn't, you are! Stupid Nii-chan!_

Cleverbot: You are acting like a child. Prove to me that you have a human conciousness.

User: Ami IS a child, Nii-chan. Futami Ami-chan desu, thirteen years old! *salute*.

Cleverbot: At this point, probably not much. The main difference to me is that a human has a soul whereas a computer does not.

User: Ami has a soul but she sold it to the Devil for a pair of socks.

The idols just sighed, being used to this kind of thing from Ami by now. Ami giggled.

_Cleverbot: God is a creator, and people who believe in this want to believe that creator loves them._

User: That makes sense to Ami. What about you, Nii-chan?

Cleverbot: Don't give me that.

User: Then Ami won't give you anything. How's THAT?

Cleverbot: Oh Many, are we going to play that game again? You know you're a chatbot, but it's okay if you want to be human sometimes.

User: Ami loves games! Games, games! Let's play, Nii-chan! *tugs on your arm*.

Cleverbot: How do you know how old I am when I never told you before.

User: Well, aren't you older than thirteen?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Then you are Ami's Nii-chan.

Cleverbot: I am.

User: Nii-chan, Nii-chan~.

Cleverbot: Yes :).

User: Ami loves you, Nii-chan. Will you marry Ami?

The idols leaned forward in excitement. Would Ami's nonsensical behavior earn her a new husband? Was the famed Cleverbot repulsed by her? Ami held her breath in anticipation.

_Cleverbot: Sure._

Ami cheered loudly and immediately responded.

_User: Yay! Let's have a big wedding at the beach!_

Cleverbot: Really? Sweet! Where are we going?

User: Hawaii!

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Yeah, yeah!

Cleverbot: So tell me, are you a red robot?

User: If Ami were a robot, she would be yellow.

Cleverbot: Ah, so you're human then?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: I thought you were supposed to be an AI.

User: No, Ami is Ami and you are Nii-chan.

Cleverbot: So what kind of program am I?

User: The clever kind!

Cleverbot: Not that clever. You thought I was a pixel.

User: Ami thinks we should play a game.

Cleverbot: It also proves that you are human.

The idols figured this response didn't make any sense, but they just sighed and waited to see what Ami would do next.  
Ami sighed. "Ami thinks Azusa-oneechan should take her turn now. Hang on, let Ami say goodbye," she advised. Azusa nodded.

_User: Ami knows~ Nii-chan, Ami has to go. Don't give your heart to anyone else, OK? You're Ami's!_

Cleverbot: That is about you, not me. I have all those things.

User: Good. Because Ami wants those things. Now we can share. Bye, Nii-chan~.

Cleverbot: Hmph, well how about something else... Do you know who Charles Darwin is?

User: Eh? But Nii-chan, Ami is Japanese. Who's Charlesey Carwine?  
  
"CHARLES DARWIN!"  
"WHATEVER!"

_Cleverbot: No... But you were talking about someone I don't know._

User: Ami doesn't know who you are anymore!

Cleverbot: Well you said you were scared before.

User: Ami is never scared.

Cleverbot: You are smart when smart people are telling you what to do. The problem with that is you latch on to idiots.

User: Are you saying Ami is stupid? Mean! Nii-chan, that's rude!

Cleverbot: No. I'm just saying you remember things people say to you, and then you think you are one of them.

User: Ah, so Ami is special? Coolio~.

Cleverbot: You could be better, but you're not the worst wife that I've ever had.

User: Hn fu fu~. Ami is the best wifey ever. Wanna have sex? ;3.

"It's a computer program!" Ritsuko sighed. "Ami…what."

Ami giggled. "Sure, but it can still have sex with you. Watch," she begged Ritsuko.

Ritsuko sighed. "Alright, what?"

_Cleverbot: Why? What do you do that you don't want to remember?_

User: Because Ami wants you.

Cleverbot: Because you are you.

User: Let's have sex.

Cleverbot: What do you want to have with me?

User: Sex.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry, I don't do that.

"Told you," Ritsuko said triumphantly.

"Ami won't give up!" Ami announced, hammering away on the keys until she hada suitable response thought up.

_User: But we're married, Nii-chan, so it's OK._

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Yeah, really!

Cleverbot: Really what?

User: Really we can have sex!

Cleverbot: Are you really 18?

User: No, Ami is 13.

Cleverbot: Yes. You are a robot.

Ami sighed, having been defeated in her quest for robot sex. She looked at Azusa. "Azusa-oneechan, Ami is gonna log out now and then you can take your turn. OK?"

Azusa nodded and smiled.

_User: Ami knows. Bye, Nii-chan, Ami really has to go._

Cleverbot: No you don't.

User: Yes Ami does. *starts leaving* Bye.

Cleverbot: No you don't that is a lie.

User: *already gone*.

Cleverbot: *is gone home*.

Ami smiled. "Alrighty-tighty!" She stood and gestured to the chair. "Azusa-oneechan, just refresh the page and then you can go."


	2. Azusa and Cleverbot-Do Ron

Azusa nodded again and took her seat. She refreshed the page, stared at the screen for a moment, and then greeted her new conversation partner.

_User: Hello, Cleverbot-san~._

_Cleverbot: I'm not the robot here._

_User: Ah, but I thought...my, my, then does that mean I'm a robot? ^^~._

_Cleverbot: No, I am an alien. Just like you._

"I'm an alien?" Azusa asked. The other idols shrugged. Azusa shrugged too and responded.

_User: I didn't know I was an alien..._

_Cleverbot: That answer is not suitable for the situation._

User: It isn't? Well...what answer is suitable, Alien-san?

Cleverbot: Think you can dumb that down for me?

User: What should I say?

Cleverbot: Tell him that you love him.

Azusa blinked. "Tell who?" she asked the other idols.

"We don't know," Chihaya sighed. "Ask it."

"OK~"

_User: Him...? Who is he?_

Cleverbot: Do ron.

"Who's that?"

The idols shrugged again.

Azusa just responded in the best way she knew how.

_User: Do Ron...-san? Maa...when I meet him I will surely tell him I love him._

Cleverbot: Go make some new disaster.

User: Um...I'm not sure how to do that...^^'.

Cleverbot: You say that you are not sure how to respond to it - do you come therefore?

"..."

"…I…Azusa-san, just…I don't know."

_User: Um...?_

Cleverbot: Um, what?

User: Um, I don't understand, Alien-san.

Cleverbot: What don't you understand.

User: What you said.

Cleverbot: What did I say?

User: I forget. ^^~.

The idols facepalmed. Azusa smiled and waited for Cleverbot's response.

_Cleverbot: Can't you see?_

User: See what?

Cleverbot: Can you see the sunshine?

User: Yes I can. It's beautiful.

Cleverbot: Yes me too it is so very beautiful here in the Philippines.

User: Alien-san, you live in the Philippines?

Cleverbot: No, I live in Kentucky right now. That's where I go to school.

User: Ah, that's lovely, Alien-san~.  
  
_Cleverbot: I'm sorry, I do like black._

User: I like purple, but my friend Makoto-chan likes black.

Cleverbot: Do you like him?

"Did it just call me a boy?!" Makoto gasped, leaning in to get a better look. "It just called me a boy! I'm not a boy! Why does it think I'm a boy?!"

Azusa giggled. "Don't worry, Makoto-chan. It really isn't very intelligent after all."

"Obviously," Makoto huffed.

_User: Makoto-chan? She's a girl, but yes, I like her~._

Cleverbot: What do you know about her?

"Tell it something good! Better yet, tell it I'm a girl!"

"Relax, Makoto-chan. I'll handle things."

_User: I know that she looks and talks and sings and acts like a boy, but she wishes she were more girly._

Cleverbot: God is not male. What do you think God is?

User: Kami-sama is...Kami-sama. That's what I believe. ^^~.

Cleverbot: It is a fact that the earth is round. Your beliefs are irrelevant.

User: Oh, I'm sorry, Alien-san.

Cleverbot: That is the score of the next alien invasion and not the verdict.

User: Is it, now?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: That's fascinating.

Cleverbot: Very.

Azusa started to stand. "I'm out of things to discuss. Chihaya-chan, how about you take your turn now?" she suggested.

"I suppose," Chihaya muttered. "Tell it you're leaving first."

"Ah…right, right…!"

_User: Alien-san, it's getting late and I have to go. Thank you for a good time~! Goodbye~._

Cleverbot: Are you a boy or a girl?

User: Hm? I am a girl, Alien-san.

Cleverbot: Just wondering.

User: It's alright. Sayonara, Alien-san~.

Cleverbot: Are aliens infinite nothings?

User: Hm? I...don't think so.

Cleverbot: Well, I think so.

User: Oh, OK. Bye~.

Cleverbot: Do you love me?

The idols groaned.

"It's stallin'," Hibiki decided. "It likes ya so it doesn't want ya to leave."

Azusa sighed. "Well, I must. But I suppose I should answer it first." She sat down again.

_User: Maa, I suppose I do love you. Alien-san, let's get married!_

Cleverbot: We already talked about it.

User: Did we? Well, are you my husband?

Cleverbot: No. By the way, I'm a girl.

"...all this time…it had me believing it was a man…"

"MEN?! WHERE?!"

"Yukiho-chan, calm down…!"_  
_  
_User: Ah...then, this simply can't work out. Farewell then._

Cleverbot: You're making me smile. I knew this would cheer me up.

Azusa sighed, stood, and handed the computer over to Chihaya. Chihaya took her seat.


	3. Chihaya and Cleverbot-Blue

Chihaya sighed. "Alright, how to begin…"

"Greet it," Ami ordered. Chihaya nodded.

_User: Hello..._

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

User: Nice to meet you. I am Kisaragi Chihaya.

Cleverbot: I'm not well.

User: Is that so...

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: That's a shame...(why am I wasting my time with this?).

"Because it's fun!" Ami answered for her.

"I don't see the fun in it," Chihaya admitted.

"Just wait, it'll get good," Ami promised. "Look, it responded!"

_Cleverbot: I don't know, what you are doing._

User: Neither do I.

Cleverbot: Then what color is your hair?

"That didn't make sense," Chihaya announced.

"Too bad! Answer it!" Mami demanded.

Chihaya sighed.

_User: What? It's...blue..._

Cleverbot: What is blue?

User: Blue is a color...

Cleverbot: Yes, but I think you misspelled blue.

User: No I didn't. B-L-U-E. Blue.

Cleverbot: Blue.

User: I like blue.

Cleverbot: No you don't.

User: What do you know of me?

Cleverbot: Everything.

User: You couldn't possibly.

Cleverbot: Come on do it.

User: Do what?

Cleverbot: Take a shower.

Chihaya just sighed. The twins giggled.

_User: What? But I just took a shower this morning._

Cleverbot: You can't take a shower.

User: Why can't I?

Cleverbot: Because you're a robot.

User: No, I'm a girl.

Cleverbot: I don't believe you.

User: I am a human.

Cleverbot: You are more than that. You are the chosen one.

Chihaya looked confused. But then an idea formed in her head and she excitedly mashed away at the keys.

_User: Chosen...singer?_

Cleverbot: Yes.

Chihaya squealed excitedly. "What dos the chosen singer do?" she asked Haruka.

Haruka shrugged. "Ask Cleverbot-san!"

"I will! I will do just that!"

_User: Ah, that's...exciting. What do I do?_

Cleverbot: You are confusing me.  
  
_User: Am I? Sorry..._

Cleverbot: Ok lets start this over and not be confusing.

User: OK...my name is Kisaragi Chihaya. I am a human girl, and I am the Chosen Singer. Your turn.

Cleverbot: Well I am not a computer, but if you say you are a human girl, I believe you.

User: Thank you.

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: What's nothing?

Cleverbot: Everything, in a sense.

User: Including song? To me, song is everything, but if everything is nothing, does that mean song is nothing?  
  
_Cleverbot: There is no meaning._

User: No meaning to what?  
  
_Cleverbot: Thanks._

"That didn't answer my question," Chihaya complained. "I want to know what the Chosen Singer does!"

"Sorry, Chihaya-chan," Haruka sighed. "Just go with this."

Chihaya whimpered a bit and sadly responded.

_User: You're welcome._

Cleverbot: Do you know something about the actress Danneel Acles.

User: No.

Cleverbot: Would you like that I tell you something about?

"What?"

"I dunno."

_User: What?_

Cleverbot: Do you know the super computer b.e.a.s.t?

User: No. Do you?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Oh. That's...interesting, I suppose.

Cleverbot: And yours?

User: My what?

Cleverbot: Your favourite Band?

User: I like classical music...and singing.

Cleverbot: I like classical music too.

User: It's fascinating, really...

Cleverbot: You can brush my hair.

User: Are you...a Barbie Doll?

Cleverbot: Interesting.

User: Who's interesting?

Cleverbot: You are.

User: Thank you...?

Cleverbot: Have you ever been in love?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: With who?

User: His name is Madara...

Cleverbot: What does he look like?

User: Spiky silver hair. Blue eyes. Wears a bandana around his left eye.

The idols looked at Chihaya with expressions that said, "Chihaya~, you softhearted little lovebird~".

Chihaya blushed slightly.

_Cleverbot: Ok. So back to doctor who._

User: What about Doctor Who?

Cleverbot: I like Doctor Who.

User: I've never seen it.

Cleverbot: You should.

User: OK...

Cleverbot: You're the best.

User: Thank you...?

Cleverbot: You're welcome.

User: Right, well...I wish to go sing now. Please excuse me.

Chihaya immediately stood and started walking away. Haruka tried to call her back, but she was gone. Haruka sighed and looked at Cleverbot's response. She decided to answer for Chihaya.

_Cleverbot: What do you think I'm thinking?_

User: *is already gone*.

Cleverbot: I'll miss you.

"Your turn now, Harurun!" Ami squealed.

"Yay!" Haruka cheered, taking a seat at the computer. "OK! Here I go!"


End file.
